D'Oh!

Three weeks into my Summer of Redemption, I got the axe. It seems that my foibles outshone my virtues once again. Really, I thought that I had grown enough in Christ to teach capably and without trying to control my pupils. However, the criticisms from adult leaders were too many and too frequent to ignore. The Directors’ directions were clear: shape up or ship out.

First came a week of Staff Development. I seemed to finish that with flying colors, except that I hadn’t filed my lesson plans. Then came Webelos Week: a week of Cub Scouts. The Directors’ consensus: I was too firm. I communicated a “Can’t Do” rather than a “Can Do” attitude. So I lightened up. I stepped up. I changed my attitude. I still had not filed lesson plans for the upcoming Boy Scout weeks, however. At week’s end, I was told that I was improving steadily. So encouraged was I after one week with Boy Scouts that I went out and bought camping gear for my Rugged O.

When I arrived at camp for Week Two of Boy Scout Camp (Week Four of my contract), I was called into the Directors’ Office. One of the instructors on my staff had quit because I had failed to provide him with adequate leadership. In fact, he wrote, I had been negligent in my treatment of the Scouts in my care. He was careful to state that he had never witnessed any instance of physical or mental cruelty. My sins were not of commission but of omission. I was immediately and summarily discharged. Fired.

I was numb.

I had stepped up. I had left my Comfort Zone. I had greeted each challenge with a smile and a “will do” attitude. And still I was fired! If God’s “handwriting on the wall” hadn’t been clear before, it sure was now! I will never be a teacher. Not the kind I’ve always wanted to be, anyhow. When I was so busy trying to learn the skills that I was to teach the Scouts, I would tell them what to do and scold them when they were ill behaved. God spoke to me then. “Don’t teach by preaching; teach by example. Embody the Scout Law. Obey. They will follow you if you follow Me.” This is still what He tells me about my family. “They will follow you if you follow Me.”

Having left Mataguay Scout Ranch, I profoundly miss the other staff that I’ve left behind. Even when I was working alongside them, I felt tremendous admiration for these people. Most of them are in their twenties; several are in their teens. Less than half my age, they are nonetheless mature and capable. This is what a life of Scouting does for a young man or woman. This is what my son, Brian, has to look forward to. I’m so glad that I pushed him into joining a Webelos den when I did! Today he is an Arrowman, well along on his path to Eagle. With any luck, he will never endure the life trials that I have. While I wish that I had been a Scout, I realize that nothing I do now can ever change that. However, I can encourage Brian.

So now I’m stuck with looking for another job. I’ve been home all week—and into this weekend. I haven’t gone to visit my parents, which I’ve done every weekend since I started. I can’t bear to tell them that I’ve gotten fired from yet another job. First, I need to find a new position. Then I can tell them that I’ve switched jobs, not that I got canned. I just can’t tell them that anymore. That refrain has become too worn and predictable.

I’m not looking for anything where I’m in charge of other people. I’m not looking for anything where I’m caring for children. It may not be where God’s leading me but it’s definitely the message I’ve received. I’m instead focused on finding a job that pays enough to provide my family with a decent living and health insurance: where I should have been focused all along. This time, it’s not about whether I feel “fulfilled” or as though God is using me for a “higher purpose”. It’s just simple economics.

I had the unshakable feeling, going into this summer camp thing, that God was going to do something in my life this summer that’s truly radical and life changing. Now, as sad as my termination has left me feeling, I’m certain that He has.