The Incomparable Pleasure of a Broken Heart

When we speak of a person’s heart being ‘broken’, we usually mean that she was dealt such a blow that either her joy of living or her will to go on living is shaken, if not extinguished altogether. Yet, Scripture tells us that “a broken heart” or a “broken spirit” is God’s favorite sacrifice.

Maybe I’m not using the terminology properly. What I mean is this:

I had always thought that I had given my “heart” (read “soul”) to Christ. I had supposed that, because I truly wanted to change and become conformed to whatever He wanted me to be, I was “yielded and still” before Him. Apparently, I wasn’t.

Each time I came to His altar, I prayed the sinner’s prayer and recommitted my life to Him. Each time I would return to my seat, I would feel as though “now, finally, I’ve sloughed off that burden! Now I can live for Him in power and glory! Now victory and triumph will shine from my life!”

What I was really saying/doing was this: “Now all of those people who thought I wasn’t spiritual enough or holy enough will see! Now the power of the Holy Ghost will shine in my life and I’ll get some respect!” I wanted my natural gifts and inclinations to be redeemed so that I could accomplish something worthwhile for the Kingdom without having to die to them. I wanted God to glorify me when it was my task to glorify Him!

When I would go to the altar, I would always come away feeling as though I had laid my burden down and given my life to Jesus. In fact, each time I did yield another piece of my heart. However, that is not what was wanted nor did it ever bring the desired result. The funny thing is that I knew all along what was required: I even wrote it into a number of songs: “He wants all my heart”.

Until a penitent actually believes that his life, such as it is, is WORTHLESS; that there is NOTHING of that old life—not one’s intellect, not one’s library, not one’s tool crib, not one’s wardrobe, not one’s circle of friends, not one’s family, not one’s education, not one’s physical appearance, not one’s physical strength, not one’s singing voice, not one’s facility with language—that can be redeemed, s/he will not truly repent. That is, s/he will not TURN COMPLETELY AWAY from that old life AND WALK IN NEWNESS of life. Until a sinner realizes that s/he is a sinner—as bad a sinner as has ever existed—s/he will not turn away from his or her former life and walk in newness of life. S/He will try endlessly to drag that ugly, stinking, cut-off-from-God, shell-of-a-life s/he’s been “living” to the Lord’s cross—not to crucify it but in hopes that it can be healed.

What I mean in this context by “a broken heart” is a soul that finally “gets” the idea that what passed for “life” in its former existence is merely a fake. That REAL LIFE CONSISTS OF WALKING AWAY FROM YOUR SELF AND BECOMING A VESSEL FOR THE HOLY GHOST. No longer do your POLITICAL BELIEFS matter; no longer do your SOCIAL AGENDAS matter; no longer do your PERCEIVED SLIGHTS matter; no longer does the COLOR OR YOUR SKIN matter; no longer does WHAT YOU DO FOR A LIVING matter; no longer does WHO YOU LIVE WITH matter. When you are filled with the Holy Ghost and completely yielded to Him as a vessel for Him to wander the earth in, ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT YOU DON’T EMBARRASS HIM BY GETTING IN THE WAY OF HIS MINISTRY!!

For Christ, Who is God, holiness is a state of being. For the rest of us, sanctification is a process. As we grow in His image, we become gradually less selfish and more Christian. It has been said that "we grow in His image by suffering tribulation". It certainly makes sense that we would do so when one considers that the reason He "came into the world" was to suffer the death we would otherwise have endured. What, therefore, we have called "reality" and "life" are neither. They are instead the death that God said we would "surely die" if our forebears ate of the knowledge of good and evil. When the serpent said, "Did God truly say..." and "You shall not surely die...", he was in essence saying "That depends on what your definition of the word 'die' is." No, Adam and Eve were not brain dead within twenty-four hours. However, the certainty of their eventual deaths was sealed the instant that they disobeyed. They were holy; they fell from holiness and perfection; they were damned to corruption and death. By the process of Christosis and sanctification, we who are dead can be made alive. We who are disintegrated selves can be transformed into members of Christ and of one another.

Only when our hearts are broken can we die to selfhood and be made alive as members of Christ's mystical body. Only when we partake of His suffering can we become fully what He is. Since He is Joy, Life, Love, Truth and Peace, if we would be partakers in these things we must suffer what He has suffered and die as He died. Then, raised with Him, we will experience the incomparable joy of having our souls grafted to His--the ultimate source of every blessing.