My Yarmulke Yearning

The title of this pamphlet is what a Jewish friend of mine called this “thing” that I described to him:

I have a sort of...I don’t know...well, craving I guess...for all of the parts of my life to fit together into a unified, harmonious whole. I want the people, the events, the objects and the ideas to work together in a way that makes sense. This, he said, is why people invented religion.

There are lots of religions in the world; most of them are what the Bible calls “pagan”. That is, people live in their little microworlds, for the most part blissfully unaware of anything that exists outside of them, and assign a mythology to all of the people, events, objects and ideas that enter them from without. The mythology consists of a history, a nature, an explanation and a prediction. The history tells the thing’s origin; the nature tells its properties; the explanation tells how and why it came to enter (their) particular microworld; the prediction tells how the thing’s being in that world will alter its functioning and destiny. In ages past, people called these “things” gods. Nowadays, they call them by various names: politicians, celebrities, the economy, global warming, illegal immigration, terrorism, the war on terrorism and so forth.

My Jewish friend calls this craving “a yarmulke yearning” because it is a longing for what he calls “shalom”. In order for shalom to exist, all the various elements (“things”) of one’s microworld must be “kosher”. The yarmulke, a closefitting, cloth cap worn by Jewish men—some for worship; others at all times—is an outward expression of “shalom” which means, among other things, “in right relationship”. A prayer associated with wearing the yarmulke goes something like this: “God above the yarmulke; me beneath it: each in his proper place.”

If we’re just trading words for words, the common English definition of “shalom” is “peace”. But it’s much more than that, really, and that “more” is deeply rooted in the Theocentric Jewish worldview. True peace, the Bible teaches, is the universally manifested, perfect will of God. It is not an absence of conflict; rather it is the presence of God in a situation and conformity of that situation to His Will. When one Jew greets another in Hebrew, “Shalom!”, s/he is in essence sharing with that other a prayer that his world will be “shalom”.

Similarly, whereas the common definition of “kosher” is “legal” or “suitable”, it’s real meaning is much more profound. In today’s society, it is commonplace to hear a family described as “dysfunctional”. When we are obese or flaccid, we are “out of shape” and may visit “fitness centers”. Some of the higher definitions of “kosher” might be “fit” or “functional”. But it is doubtless easiest to grasp what it means to be “kosher” within the greater context of being an element of “shalom”.

In Heaven, shalom reigns. Everyone and everything is kosher. When people are kosher, we say that they “have faith” (actually, in Hebrew, Greek, Italian, French and most other languages, “faith” is a verb, not a noun; people don’t “have faith”, rather they “faith”). So, another word for “kosher” might—in the case of people, anyway—be “faithful”.

When she was raising me, my mother had a saying: “A place for everything; everything in its place.” As a child, my thinking being limited to concrete operations, I thought only of the toys, clothes and books in my bedroom as having to be in their respective places. Now that I’m grown, I can see that my mother’s dictum applies equally to language, manners, attitude, prayer, and anything else that might happen or exist in one’s world. I am reminded of Paul’s statement in 1st Corinthians that “When I was a child, I thought and spoke as a child; when I matured, I put aside childish things.” Shalom being the condition of having “everything in its place”, kosher then is the condition of each thing being in its place.

Keeping a kosher kitchen, then, is much more than simply observing the dietary laws. It extends to eating breakfast food for breakfast and entrées for dinner, and to drinking alcohol with one’s meal only when one needs not drive home immediately afterward. While the Cross has freed Christians from observing the dietary laws, it has not freed us from the necessity of being kosher. Paul also wrote, in an earlier chapter of that letter, that “one who eats (the Eucharist) in an unworthy manner brings judgment upon himself” because he doesn’t discern the Body of Christ.

When I majored in Psychology, one thing I was taught is that children learn from social models “how things are supposed to be”. This is why people who are abused as children become abusers when they become adults. At least, that’s the theory. The Bible teaches something similar: In Proverbs 22:6 we read, “Train up a child in the way s/he should go and when s/he is old s/he will not depart from it.” (My “s/”s added because the verse applies equally to girls as to boys.) The point is that we are creatures of habit and early training is key.

One of my brothers, who is not a believer, expressed his opinion that “religion has no place in pedagogy”. So he instills his values and his methodology in his children...and so his religion!! What he really meant to say is “other people’s religion has no place in pedagogy”. That sentiment, I suppose, is one held almost universally by parents of nearly every stripe. That God expects His Creation to be orderly is axiomatic for His people. There would be no Sabbath, no Law and no Church were it not so. There would be no pattern to anything under the sun; all would be chaos and science would never have developed as no mind would have God’s character impressed on it and so seek order where only chaos could exist. Entropy, not Peace would be the homeostasis of the universe. Hence, if God expects order to reign among His people, it logically follows that He expects parents to impose that order on their children’s thinking when they are young so that “when [they are] old, [they] will not depart from it”.

Today I was attempting to impress on my son the need to be purposefully occupied during one’s life. He readily accepted my position that watching TV and playing video games are a waste of time. Then he turned—almost immediately!!—back to his online gaming. A typical life consists of about eighty years. A typical year consists of about 8,800 hours. An hour consists of 3,600 seconds. So, barring any violent accidents, a typical person can expect to live for about two and a half billion seconds. Some will live for only two billion seconds; others will live for three billion. Still others will die long before their time due to risky behaviors or to circumstances and/or events far beyond their capacity to control. But my point is this: life is precious. Time wasted cannot be redeemed, no matter how much we want to or how hard we try to do so. Hence, we owe it to ourselves—and to our Creator—to make the most of the relatively few precious moments of life He has allotted to each of us.

Randy Stonehill recorded a song some years ago titled, I’m Gonna Celebrate This Heartbeat. With it, he reminded his audience that “Ev’ry day is a gift...and they all go by so fast.” Not only do they “go by”; they’re consumed. Whether for good of for ill, we use the time we are given to accomplish whatever works we will. If we spend a moment cursing someone, we cannot use that same moment blessing him or her. If we spend an hour hating and berating a particular politician for being a worthless servant, we cannot spend that same hour praying for him or her. If we spend a morning idling in bed in front of the boob tube, we cannot redeem it and also invest it in the Kingdom. We are each accorded a certain modicum of time and talent and no more. However we choose to spend—or waste—that time and those talents will decide the final products of our lives.

We all know people who have accomplished more with their lives than we have. Whether we have invested ourselves with great industry in improving the lives of the others around us, built commercial empires, raised crops of successful new people or sat around wishing we had, or lazily whiled away our time and never given it a second thought, we all know such people. Of course, much of what comprises our “lives” is thrust upon us; we have no say as to where, when or to whom we are born. Our families’ circumstances, so some degree, dictate what our options will be in life. However, to a surprising extent we are the architects of our own existence. History is rife with examples of so-called “self-made” people of every walk of life.

The Bible tells us that God provides us with a setting and a character but leaves the details of the drama to us. The choices we make determine how our lives turn out, more than does any other influence. The late John Hartford penned a famous song—well, famous to those of us who dig his songs, leastways—called “I Would Not Be Here” that speaks more to the interconnectedness of life than it does to the choices we make in life...so disregard this little bit. Anyhoo...if, on a particular morning, I could choose—or not—to ask out a particular girl, and if she were to accept, then the outcome of that date might influence my eventual choice of a mate. That opportunity would not avail itself were I to chicken out and not ask her out. Similarly, if I choose to seek a particular position with a particular company, and if it turns out well, I might have certain options later in life that I would not have had had I decided—for whatever reason—to pursue another position with another company, or to not pursue any position at all. Thus, while it is certainly attractive to be able to blame the details of our lives on others, in most cases it simply won’t wash: we are the chief architects of our own lives, for better or for worse.

Akin to the “grass is greener” mentality that sees the other fellow’s lot as preferable to one’s own—and that seeks to blame that other fellow for one’s own present circumstances—is the rationalizing mentality. This one may not actually be content with his own lot in life but will do his utmost to persuade himself that he is. Ever eager to see the sunny side of any situation, he will figuratively “bend over backwards” to convince himself that the way “things turned out” is actually best because...and then he will invent any number of ridiculous “reasons”. While it may at first appear favorable to “make lemonade when life gives you lemons”, upon closer examination it becomes clear that the rationalizer is simply trading one lie in for another. He trades the lie that his neighbor is responsible for his misery for the lie that he is responsible for his own success. In fact, he is responsible for his own misery that he insists upon trying to view as success. Neither will do, of course, as God’s will for anyone’s life is to find that life for which s/he is fit and then to live it.

Some years ago, I purchased a ‘Career Kit’ from the Christian job service, InterCristo. It consists of a number of pamphlets and cassette tapes. (I think it would be great if they’d come out with an updated version with DVDs and virtual workbooks that you can complete electronically, even getting help from an online site.) The premise of the Kit is that, by studying your traits and your talents, you can discover the sort of work that God created you to do. I only wish that it was that simple! What living at once in the Great Laboratory of Life and in the Manifest Kingdom of God has taught me is that nothing is as it appears. I believed that I wanted to be married because the superficial aspects of marriage were attractive: opportunities for physical and spiritual intimacy, the possibility of raising children, and companionship as I age. It was not until I was married that I discovered the many hidden aspects of marriage. So it has been with every career I have undertaken as well: the superficial aspects of building, teaching, business, entertaining, writing, etc. are so vastly different from the day-to-day realities of serving in each of these professions. Not only are the jobs different than they at first appear; I am just as different. Just because I sense a naïve interest in, say, medicine doesn’t mean that I will make a good doctor. The real world of medical practice and my true character may be a poor match even though the idea of healing the sick is appealing to my perceived self. Similarly, just because I am good at pitching baseball in high school or college does not mean that I am Major League material. Still, as a starting point for that journey of self discovery that is living, the Career Kit has value.

My advice to anyone wanting to learn the truth about any aspect of life is to pursue life with a passion; dive headfirst into every aspect of life that presents itself to you. Similarly, my advice to anyone contemplating marriage is to get to know a whole throng of potential mates and spend time with them, both individually and as a group. That way, you’ll come to appreciate the qualities typical of men as a group versus those typical of women as a group, as well as each individual man’s qualities versus those of men-as-a-group, and each individual woman’s qualities versus those of women-as-a-group. Only when you can distinguish between “masculine” traits and the traits of an individual man, or between “feminine” traits and those of a particular woman, can you truthfully claim to “know” anyone. And, if you don’t actually know any people—even yourself—how can you truthfully claim to know God? And, if you don’t know God, how can you faithfully discern His will for your life? The obvious answer is that you can’t; hence, satisfying your Yarmulke Yearning must begin with familiarizing yourself with God’s Word, on the one hand, and with getting to know yourself and your world, on the other.