This Do In Remembrance of Me

It is now somewhat more than fifteen months since my dear mother died. In the aftermath of that sad event, while I expected the buzzards to circle, I never expected my siblings to disturb my grieving. However, Tom proved himself capable of even the most perverse invasion when he questioned its sincerity. “Are you so self-absorbed,” he asked, “as to imagine that you somehow knew the real Mom whilst the rest of us only knew some figment or fragment of her? You knew her less than anyone if you suppose that she believed in your god! She was her father’s daughter!”

Today I realize that, while I may not have known the real Jet Seegers, vis-à-vis those known by each of my siblings, I certainly glimpsed a side of her that none of them did. For our dear mother, although she held nothing of her tender mercy back from any of us, only allowed that part of herself that she wished to expose to be seen by any individual to whom she related. Never as transparent as my own simple self, she was as mysterious as she was complex. It is only by gathering our notes of our respective conversations with the woman who was our mother that we can hope to piece together some idea of the wonderful person that she indeed was. Too, it is only by trusting one another to faithfully supply those contributions to that remembrance that we can finally see her in the full light of day.

God uses—perhaps I should preface that with a confession of personality: my God uses—even such woes as grief for one’s mother to reveal Himself to His children. For today I realize that, while I may not know the real I AM vis-à-vis those known by my several brethren in Christ, I certainly know Him uniquely, as do each of them. This is why He instituted the Church: it is only through our fellowship with one another that we can hope to remember the once-holy image of the Holy One Who gave His Life for us. We must continually share with one another faithful recitations of our testimonies of pilgrimage and grace in order to glimpse His likeness in the true light of day. If intrigues or schemes bring us to exaggerate one detail or underemphasize another, the image we derive will be as distorted as that which, without the aid of others’ perceptions, each of us perceives on his own.

When friends and acquaintances undertake to grind political or philosophical axes, they may withhold valuable details of the image He has revealed to each of them. I should say “to each of us” here since I am no less guilty than is anyone else of that particular sin. Each of us wants to emphasize certain attributes in his respective testimony for fear that his brethren will only perceive what God is and not what He is not. Were our love perfect, as His is perfect, no such hindrance would occur. As Brother Paul so ably pointed out, “perfect love casts out fear”. Again, what prevents us from loving as perfectly as does Our Lord is fear that arises from our own selfishness. Further proof that our shared journey of faith lies along the road to Christosis.

An irony that I discovered some time ago is that I am stymied in my quest for selflessness by my very concentration upon that theme. Did I instead focus on that which Our God reveals of Himself to me, my quest would resolve of its own accord. Hard as it may be to believe, I actually argue with Him at times, reluctant to pursue the paths that He sets before me because they seem too arduous. I would have been perfect long ago had I only been perfect in my faith and obedience. The only thing that prevents me from seeing my God as He truly is is the same thing that prevented me from seeing my mother as she truly was: me. I can’t see them when I’m always looking at myself. Even if I only regard my self while praying that it will disappear, my focus remains on my self and therefore not on Him.