THE JOURNEY FROM HERE TO HERE

As I took my usual Sabbath Day prayer stroll through Santee’s Mast Park, I emptied my mind and began to listen to God. He was silent. So I began to listen to Nature. Nothing much was happening there either. So I began to glance about. First I beheld Pastor Mark Miller pushing his daughter in her stroller as his son rode ahead on his scooter. Creases of concern and joy mingled in his face; Julianna’s head leaned back as she beamed up at her father; Mark’s watchful eyes scanned the path ahead for lurking dangers as Ian expertly piloted his scooter in widening arcs. The love between them was palpable. I then beheld my own son, Brian. As he loped along on tiptoe, batting the air with his hands as he spoke in hushed tones to no visible person. This singularly inquisitive, introspective and studious boy is quite literally his parents’ pride and joy. I felt the pride and affection swell in my breast as my soul enfolded his image.

Only then did I hear my Father speak: “That’s exactly how I feel about you.”

My knee-jerk response was, “But...I’m so...”. Dwelling on my shortcomings, real or perceived, has been a lifelong preoccupation for me. Sure, the Word exhorts us: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” and not only with respect to others. We are to meditate on our own highest and best qualities and pursue becoming the best vessels we can be to convey God’s Spirit to a parched world. As I began to list my sins, Dad countered by listing my virtues! Every time I presented evidence of my own unworthiness, He expounded on my worthiness!

“Do you feel the love swell within you when you consider your son, Brian? When I behold you—caring for your parents, your wife and your son—I feel the same way. Don’t beat yourself up, Michael. I love you. Just feel My arms of love wrap themselves around your soul.”

So I thought about my parents. Sure, I care for their house, their yard and them. I do their shopping and their cleaning. And why not? Are they not supporting me? Aren’t they making the payments on my condo as I languish in this sucky economy without a job? Will they not leave me their estate when they die? Isn’t it just thinly-disguised self interest? That’s when Dad revealed the Principle of Symbiosis: what benefits one benefits both.

“So,” I replied, “that’s where the Journey begins.”

“And ends,” He rejoined.

Huh? “Well,” I hedged, “if you begin and end at the same place, why bother with the Journey at all? Why not just stay here, if this is my destination anyway!?”

“All appears the same,” Dad confirmed. “All except your heart. That will be different. Your motives will change from self interest to love for others. Eventually, as you grow less selfish and more Godly, love turned both inward and outward will motivate all you do.”

“Is that truly how I am now?” I was puzzled. “I can readily distinguish between self love and love for others! My love for You is certainly greater and nobler than my love for anyone else! You are perfect whereas everyone else is corrupt!”

“Now,” He replied, “you love others little because you love yourself little. You know your own motives are corrupt, so you suspect others’ motives are just as corrupt. If you instead meditate on your virtues, you’ll begin to recognize virtue in others; My likeness will shine from them and joy will multiply in your life. In time, you will come to realize that your neighbor’s welfare is really your own welfare because what benefits both of you most is benefitting one another. Then you will be motivated to bless your neighbor and so receive blessing in return.”

“You’re right,” I confessed. “I love myself little and my neighbor even less. However, You are worthier than all men combined. I love You most of all!”

“No,” He replied. “You love Me least of all! How can you say you love Me, whom you’ve never seen, when you love not yourself or your neighbor whom you have seen? I tell you the truth: you are not able to love Me at all until you perceive yourself and your neighbor as one.”

I said nothing. What could I say? In my heart, I feel that I love God. In my mind, I know that I worship Him. How can He say that I have never loved Him?

“When you were an infant,” He continued, reading my mind, “you spent all of your time studying yourself and your environment. Everything you encountered went into your mouth. Toes, dirt, your mom’s glasses...you catalogued all of these things: “Me; not me; not me; me..,”. Your task was to discover where ‘you’ left off and ‘the environment’ took up. Now that you are older, you know the difference between yourself and your environment. Now it is your task to unlearn all you’ve previously learned about who you are and who your neighbor is—you are all the same person! You are to love and to serve all people as though they were you! Until you can do that, you remain incapable of loving Me as I have loved you.”

“And when I arrive there? When I love my neighbor as myself?”

“It will be exactly as it is now.”

“Except that my heart will be...”

“...Filled with My Spirit.”