A Disclaimer For Disturbing Disclosures

It has been brought to my attention by a longtime friend (and new reader) that I have made a number of "disturbing" self revelations in my posts on this blog. Reading them over objectively, as though reading someone else's blog, I agree with her evaluation.

I have decided, therefore, to post this disclaimer:

I am not now, nor have I ever been, criminally inclined. Only twice in my life have I knowingly inflicted pain...no, make that three times...on another sentient creature.

Once, I threw a rock at a bird to see if I could hit it. I succeeded, and the poor little thing fell dazed to the ground. A moment later, it woke up, shook its head, and flew away muttering something about never falling asleep on a telephone wire again.

On another occasion, I had a disagreement with a younger neighborhood child and, having nothing persuasive to say, kicked him in the balls. I never saw him again after that. I have prayed without ceasing that I did not thereby end his bloodline.

Finally, I caught and killed a fish once while I was backpacking in the mountains. I was hungry, so I hunted for food. A poor, innocent trout died so that I could live. Sort of like how my poor, innocent Savior died so that I could live. The very thought sickens me.

I am an omnivore, not an herbivore. I eat meat, including fish, several times a month. I am complicit in the deaths of several animals, probably under horrific circumstances, and several people will, no doubt, find that disagreeable. However, buying "meat" or "seafood" in a deli is usually not perceived (or, at least, I don't think it is; being autistic, I never know how I'm being read) as violent behavior.

I do not now own, nor have I ever owned, any firearms. I used them while serving in the military but only under duress. I do not believe in capital punishment, abortion, or warfare. Euthanasia and medically-assisted suicide I'm undecided about, as they are intended to relieve rather than cause suffering.

Many people I know vehemently defend both militarism and gun ownership. These people, in ways which I will never comprehend and with which I will never concur, manage to reconcile Christian faith with their political beliefs. Impossible, I say. Jesus taught us to love our enemies, not to kill them. In that case, why do we need guns, or armies for that matter? We should be rejoicing at terrorism, not decrying it. We should be "counting it all joy" when beset by slavery and other tribulations. The problem with most Americans is that they have NEVER SEEN, let alone experienced, tribulation. Moreover, they seem to think that--if they profess to "believe in" Jesus as the Son of God--they should not HAVE TO experience it. The Tribulation, they say, is for the Reprobate, not the Saved. That is bullshit.

If the Church was never to undergo tribulation, why would she be exhorted to "count it all joy when you are beset by various trials"? What trials, if we are never to undergo tribulation? Of COURSE we are to experience tribulation! It is God's Plan to save the world through us! Faith consists of making yourself available to His purpose, not of cutting a deal to rescue yourself from it! This is our job, for which we will be rewarded with Everlasting Life.

No, it's not "works": we can never do such a good job of loving God or one another that we will actually "deserve" Heaven. Grace is still in operation here. My point is that simply believing that Jesus is the Christ is not sufficient to save you from your sins, nor will any amount of faith save you from The Tribulation. Remember that the Devil and his demons also know who Jesus is...and shudder. You have to love God with all of your being and also love your neighbor--including your enemies--as yourself. That is the true nature of Christian faith. If you're not doing this, you're not a Christian.

So, as I write this, I am screaming at my wife. No, I'm not angry with her. I'm venting. She knows that, God bless her long-suffering heart. She is not screaming back; she knows that I'm mad at the assholes at Sprint and Asurion who have taken my money and keep sending me "refurbished" phones that don't work.

My most recent fantasy was of marching into the Asurion office with a katana and decapitating the CEO. Of course, I would never do that. But I THINK about such things all the time. Think of it as going to see "Rambo" without having to buy a movie ticket. If such fantasies were not mainstream, Arnold Schwarzenegger wouldn't be the richest man in Hollywood. He is.